There I said it…but, I am about 50/50 when it comes to that statement. It can be hard…really hard. But it can be extremely easy as well. It’s easy if you and your partner make it easy. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years now and I thought I’d share the some key tips if you’re looking into or are in a long distance relationship. Now there are tons of tips out there but these are the 5 main things that helped my husband and I throughout our relationship. I’m not a professional and these are not professional tips or suggestions. But these are my very personal suggestions from my experience. I’ll be typing this as I’m talking to a friend. Anyways…we’ve had our ups and downs but mainly ups, I don’t want to toot our own horns but I really believe that when it came to our long distance relationship…we ended up being one of the lucky pairs. It’s been a long journey but to be honest it’s been a hell of a lot easier than it’s been hard.
I’ll say it once and I’ll say it a million times. Trusting each other is the most crucial things when it comes to a long distance relationship. If there’s not 100% complete trust between your partner and you, it’s not going to work. I’m not going to sugar coat it for you, that’s just the honest truth. No trust equals no hope. Everybody should know that, though. Now, before I met my husband I was the girl who didn’t have trust with any other person I had a ‘relationship’ with…if you even want to call them that. But at the end of the day, trust is trust and I didn’t have any. Whoever I was involved with at the moment, I was always paranoid about who they were with when I wasn’t around, who they were texting, who they were thinking about…blah blah blah. I ended up just keeping it to myself but I always ended up blowing up at the end. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was crazy because now I am zero of those things. Then again, I was young and reckless. Dean never gave me any reason to not trust him…I trusted him and I didn’t even know him. Of course, trust has to be earned, you shouldn’t just give it to another lightly. But when it came to Dean and I…that trust came naturally. It was extremely out of the ordinary for me to trust somebody that quickly…especially when they lived over 3,000 miles away from me. Crazy right? We all know how to gain trust in somebody so I’m not going to list everything that we did to do that. Be honest with each other and 150% genuine…trust them until they give you a reason not to. One of the most irritating things you could do is question your significant other about something and break that ‘trust’ wall…when they did nothing in the first place to be questioned. For us…we learned to trust each other from a lot of communication.
From the very beginning, Dean and I were very good at communication. I think that’s why and how our relationship ended up being so easy and how everything else kind of just went with the flow. Communication is how you build that trust you need. As soon as Dean and myself ‘met’ each other online, the communication has not stopped until this day. I’m not talking about talking everyday kind of communication, I’m talking about mainly communicating when it comes to your emotions. If you’re feeling sad, mad, happy, depressed, excited…tell them. If something made you laugh that day, tell them. If something you’ve seen at the store or on TV that reminded you of them, tell them. The more communication the better, you need to make them feel like they spent the day with you. They are not there to experience those moments and feelings with you so you have to make them feel involved with your everyday life, even when it comes to the little things. If that gets lost and you lose the habit of doing that, the bond between you two will slowly vanish. Facetime or Skype as often as you can. That’s one of the things that helped Dean and I a lot. Even though you physically can’t touch them, it somehow makes you feel closer to them when you can actually see them. I know some people aren’t the kinds of people who like to be in contact with their significant other 24/7, but to be honest…if you’re that kind of person, a long distance relationship is probably not for you. Unless your partner is the same…but to put it bluntly, that sounds like a shitty time. You have to rely on that the communication you’re having between each other will be enough for you until you can be together again. You both have to be on the same page and that’s what makes it so tough sometimes. Dean and I missed each other so much when we had to be away from each other for 4-6 months at a time. But always having each other to talk to whenever we needed at any time of the day, made it that much easier on our hearts.
The number one thing you can do that will destroy your relationship is getting discouraged about your situation. Treat this as an opportunity for the both of you. Long distance relationships are known to not work out, people love to tell you that you’re crazy and that they could never do something like that. Believe me, I heard it a lot when I first got involved with Dean. You can be so excited about it and you’ll always have that one person who wants to make you feel discouraged. Don’t listen to them. That gives you even more reason to make this relationship work out and prove them wrong. Make them look up to you and leave them in the dust when they know they wouldn’t be able to handle a long distance relationship and you did! I came across a quote and I loved it…
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart. You have to experience the feeling of not always having your one true love at arms reach. Once you’ve conquered that…anything is possible” – Anonymous
I was told that I was crazy and naive, that it never was going to work out. “You really think that a guy that lives across the world that you met online will really commit to you and not sleep with other girls? You’re an idiot!” Those weren’t the exact words but something along those lines were said. I will never forget it but look at me now. I lived in Michigan and now I live in England with my husband who was the guy “who never would commit and who lived across the world, so that’ll never work out.” Negative people are toxic and will always try to bring you down when something is out of the ordinary. It feels so good to think about how that person may look at my social media and see where I am now. I hope that they feel stupid about how bitter and negative they were about it. Positivity can get you through anything. I know it may feel hard to stay positive when the love of your life lives miles away and you miss them terribly. Let me tell you right now that missing your significant other and having absolutely no control over how long you have to go to see them again. Whether it’s 4 months or 2 months or sometimes you may not even have a date at all…has to be one of the most heartbreaking feelings ever. Stay positive…because at the end of the day you will end up together and all the heartache will be worth it.
Yeah yeah yeah…I know. But I’m being honest here and this is a very important tip. We are all human at the end of the day so sexual tension and sexual desire is only natural and obviously it physically doesn’t exist in a long distance relationship when you’re apart. We are all adults here but I’ll keep this one short and sweet so I don’t make any of those softies or family members out there uncomfortable. (Haha) We all know that sex is a huge factor when it comes to a relationship, it involves a lot of emotion and you need it to feel that much more closer to your love. Sex is not only a biological need but it’s an emotional need. You need to keep that spark alive and burning while you are apart. Now there are many ways to succeed in this department but I’m not here to tell you how, I’m here to tell you that it needs to exist. There are no questions about it…it keeps you connected and fills that gap of sexual desire that physically doesn’t exist in a long distance situation. The last thing you want is your significant other running out and cheating on you because they lack that feeling with you. Do it, you’ll be happy you did.
It’s common sense when it comes to this tip. You have to make plans to visit each other. Having a date for when you get to see them next…keeps you grounded. It gives you something to look forward to. Sometimes you might not be able to afford to fly to them or they won’t be able to fly to you. Dean and I were lucky because my jobs were very flexible at the time and I made A LOT of sacrifices to go see him. I don’t regret any of them. Even if you have to both save up and combine your money, do it. If you are in the stage where you both are pretty serious and on the same page, visiting will come easy. It’s very cliché to say but everything always works out in the end. If you end up in a relationship where they only live a couple states away or hours away, take advantage of that. But if you’re like me and you live half way across the world from each other…it becomes a little harder. Saving over a thousand dollars for one trip adds up quickly. But it has to be done, money starts to become irrelevant when you really want to be together. It’s so shitty to think that money was such a big factor when it came to Dean and I seeing each other…but we made it work. We visited each other around from 4-6 months apart for 2.5 years and finally we are together forever now and never have to go through the heartache of being apart…ever again.
If you’re currently in a long distance relationship, I just want to tell you that you can do it. Don’t get discouraged if others want to try and bring you down. They are just insecure because they personally wouldn’t be able to handle such a situation. Always stay kind and humble because it’s not going to be easy and you will sometimes find yourself wanting to act/be bitter. Everything happens for a reason and I never thought in a million years that I would be in the position I am right now. Sometimes I imagine that if we would have given up and didn’t have any faith, we wouldn’t be where we are right now. Believe in yourself and believe in your partner…don’t give up. Because the story you both get to tell, makes it all worth it. Love can really conquer anything.